Dealing with your inner critic
A look at where a person’s inner critic might come from and strategies for managing it.
Most people think about the things that have happened to them during the course of a day. Maybe they think of a witty retort they could have used to a comment someone made. Perhaps they run over an incident that upset them. It might be that, like the ancient Greek philosophers, they wonder whether they are living a good life. But, for some people, they just know that they have not been good enough. That inner voice in their head continually harshly judges what they say and do. It’s a judgemental inner critic that fuels self-doubt, shame, and negative self-talk.
However, there’s no need for people to live with that inner critic. There are ways of converting it into something more like an inner coach.
According to Dr Russell Hurlburt, a psychologist at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who has been investigating internal monologues, an internal monologue is just one of many ways we experience thought. He goes on to suggest that some people think primarily in visual images, emotions, or sensory awareness, like noticing the colour of someone’s shirt mid-conversation without it having anything to do with what’s being discussed. In fact, he distinguishes inner speaking from other frequent phenomena such as inner seeing, unsymbolized thinking, sensory awareness, and feelings. Hurlburt also thinks that people vary greatly in the frequency and phenomenology of inner speech rather than simply having or not having it.
He also says that some people really do say to themselves, “You’re a terrible person”, or “You’re fat”. While some people have negative thoughts that are expressed as words, others might use negative imagery or negative feelings to express their self-criticisms.
Healthy self-reflection versus the inner critic
It is important to distinguish between healthy self-reflection and destructive self-criticism. Healthy self-reflection is a normal and useful psychological process that allows an individual to evaluate their behaviour, learn from mistakes, and make constructive changes. It tends to be specific, balanced, and focused on actions rather than identity. For example, a person might think: “That presentation didn’t go as well as I’d hoped; next time I’ll prepare differently.”
The inner critic is different. It is often global, harsh, and identity-focused. Rather than evaluating behaviour, it attacks the individual’s sense of self. Instead of saying, “I could improve that skill,” it says, “I’m useless,” or “I always fail.” Healthy self-reflection supports growth and adaptation; the inner critic generates shame, avoidance, and paralysis.
The key difference lies in flexibility and compassion. Healthy reflection allows room for imperfection and learning, while the inner critic tends to treat mistakes as evidence of personal inadequacy.
Where did that inner critic come from?
People are not born with a developed self-critical narrative, though temperament and neurobiological sensitivity can predispose some individuals toward self-monitoring and threat sensitivity that later shape self-critical patterns. So, where does it come from? There seem to be a number of potential sources.
One source, the tape recorder theory, assumes that it’s an internalized voice from an individual’s childhood. That voice belonged to someone else before it became part of the individual. It might come from parents or caregivers who are critical, perfectionistic, excessively demanding, or offer conditional love (for example “I’m proud of you only when you succeed”). It’s suggested that even well-meaning parents can instil a voice that says, “You must do better”.
The concept of the inner critic acting like an activated “tape recorder” that plays back internalized negative scripts was heavily popularized by authors Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning in their 1987 cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) book, Self-Esteem
The inner critic could come from authoritative or influential figures, such as teachers, coaches, or even siblings, who are authoritative or influential and whose judgments and comparisons an individual has absorbed.
That inner critic might have come about from emotional neglect. In this case, the inner critic forms in the absence of validation by a significant other person. If an individual’s emotional needs were ignored, they might internalize a message that their feelings are unimportant or that they are a burden, leading to self-criticism.
From an evolutionary and psychological perspective, the inner critic often starts as a survival strategy. This misguided protector tries to protect an individual from pain by:
Preventing rejection – a person thinks that if they criticize themself first and perfect everything, other people won’t reject them.
Avoiding failure – a person thinks that if they are constantly vigilant about their flaws, they won’t make mistakes and face humiliation.
Maintaining control – a person thinks that if they blame themself, it means the world is still predictable and they have agency, even in bad situations.
Originally, an individual may have used these techniques as a way to navigate an unpredictable, critical, or unsafe environment. The problem is that the strategy outlives its usefulness and becomes a source of suffering itself.
In addition, the inner critic might be a result of societal and cultural messaging. People absorb values and standards from the world around them, which fuel their inner critic. For example:
Systems of oppression – internalized racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, classism, etc. These systems teach marginalized groups to criticize their own identity, body, or worth.
Cultural values – extreme individualism (“pull yourself up by your bootstraps”), productivity culture (“your worth is your output”), and social media’s curated perfection.
Religious or moral frameworks – when twisted, these can emphasize inherent sinfulness, shame, and the need for constant self-scrutiny.
Trauma and adverse experiences can also lead to the creation of the inner critic. This can come in the form of emotional or physical abuse where direct attacks on one’s self-worth become internalized. It may come in the form of bullying where cruel words from an individual’s peers can become a permanent inner soundtrack. Thirdly, it can come from acute shame experiences. With this, single events of public humiliation or failure can crystallize into a critical voice that constantly warns, “Never let that happen again”.
Lastly, the creation of an inner critic can come from an individual’s personality and temperament. Some individuals are naturally more prone to self-criticism due to their innate sensitivity (eg highly-sensitive people) or personality traits such as high conscientiousness or neuroticism. This biological predisposition interacts with life experiences to shape the critic’s volume and tone.
Although trauma, neglect, and harsh criticism can contribute to the development of a powerful inner critic, not everyone who struggles with self-criticism has experienced overt trauma or dysfunctional parenting.
For some people, the inner critic develops through a combination of temperament, high personal standards, social comparison, competitive environments, or subtle modelling of perfectionism by significant adults. A child may grow up in a loving home but still absorb the message that achievement is closely linked to worth.
This is important because it prevents over-pathologizing self-criticism. The presence of an inner critic does not necessarily mean that an individual has experienced abuse or severe adversity. It is often better understood as the result of many interacting influences, including personality, learning history, culture, and life experience.
Shame and guilt – the difference
An important distinction in understanding the inner critic is the difference between guilt and shame. Although these emotions are often confused, they have very different psychological effects.
Guilt relates to behaviour. It says: “I did something wrong.” In healthy amounts, guilt can be adaptive because it motivates repair, responsibility, and change.
Shame is different. Shame says: “I am wrong.” Rather than focusing on behaviour, shame attacks identity. It creates a painful sense of being fundamentally flawed, defective, or unworthy.
The inner critic is usually rooted more strongly in shame than guilt. It does not simply point out mistakes; it uses mistakes as evidence of personal inadequacy. This is why people with a strong inner critic often feel stuck, withdrawn, or hopeless rather than motivated to improve.
Therapeutic approaches such as compassion-focused therapy work specifically to reduce shame by helping clients develop a kinder and more balanced internal relationship with themselves.
Psychological frameworks explaining the formation of the inner critic
There are a number of psychological models that explain the formation of the inner critic. These include:
Object relations theory – an individual internalizes their early relationships as ‘objects’ or mental representations. A critical parent becomes an internal ‘critical object’ they then relate to.
Internal family systems (IFS) – the critic is a ‘manager’ part, ie a subpersonality that formed to protect more vulnerable, exiled parts (like shame, fear, or neediness) from being hurt again. It’s a part of an individual, not all of them.
Social learning theory – individuals learn behaviours and self-talk by observing and imitating the influential people around them.
Attachment theory – insecure attachment (anxious or avoidant attachment styles) can lead to an internal ‘working model’ of oneself as unworthy or inadequate, which the inner critic enforces.
It’s not just words that children may internalize, it can be the tone used, or gestures, or even the body language used (eg disapproval) that are internalized. It may be that a child blames themselves for parental criticism or unavailability, believing they are flawed or ‘bad’.
The messages coming from the inner critic seem so true for a number of reasons, including:
Repetition – the messages have been rehearsed for years, often decades.
Confirmation bias – the inner critic selectively notices evidence that supports its claims and dismisses evidence to the contrary.
Emotional charge – the voice is often tied to powerful emotions like fear and shame, making it feel urgent and compelling.
Lack of a counter-voice – in many cases, a compassionate, balanced inner voice was never modelled or developed, leaving the critic as the dominant narrator.
The inner critic persists because:
It once worked (it reduced risk or increased approval).
It is rehearsed frequently and becomes automatic.
The nervous system treats self-criticism as a safety behaviour.
Without conscious intervention, the brain continues to deploy its inner critic even when it no longer serves its original function.
One influential explanation for the inner critic comes from social rank theory, developed by psychologist Paul Gilbert. This theory suggests that human beings evolved to monitor their social standing because, throughout evolutionary history, acceptance within a group was essential for survival.
The brain therefore developed systems that constantly scan for signs of rejection, criticism, or social defeat. When an individual perceives a threat to their social standing, self-critical thoughts may emerge as an attempt to reduce risk and encourage submissive or corrective behaviour.
From this perspective, the inner critic can be understood as an overactive social threat-monitoring system. It is trying to prevent exclusion or failure by constantly identifying flaws and demanding self-correction. Unfortunately, when this system becomes excessive, it creates chronic anxiety and shame rather than genuine growth.
This understanding helps explain why self-criticism often intensifies in situations involving performance, comparison, evaluation, or fear of rejection.
Where in the brain can we find the inner critic?
Perhaps not surprisingly, the inner critic doesn’t reside in a single, specific part of the brain; rather, it is a complex process that involves an interplay of several neural networks. These include the:
Amygdala – this part of the limbic area is the brain’s ‘threat detector’ and is highly attuned to danger. The inner critic’s negative self-talk can trigger the amygdala, initiating the fight-or-flight stress response.
Prefrontal cortex (PFC) – this area is involved in executive function, self-reflection, and cognitive control. It processes self-relevant information and is part of the ‘thinking’ brain that the inner critic engages with.
Anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) – in simple terms, this acts as an ‘alarm system’ or error-detection hub, which is activated when an individual’s actions do not align with their goals. Excessive self-criticism can be associated with hyperactivity in this region.
Default mode network (DMN) – this network is active when an individual is not focused on an external task and engaged in self-reflective processes, rumination, and internal chatter, which is where the inner critic often operates.
Although the inner critic may feel deeply ingrained, the brain remains capable of change throughout life through a process known as neuroplasticity.
Repeated thoughts strengthen neural pathways. This principle is often summarized as “neurons that fire together wire together.” If an individual repeatedly rehearses self-critical thoughts, those pathways become increasingly automatic and efficient. Over time, self-criticism can become a default response.
The encouraging news is that the same principle works in reverse. Repeated experiences of self-compassion, balanced thinking, and calm emotional states can strengthen new neural pathways that gradually weaken old patterns of criticism.
This is one reason why therapeutic repetition matters. Practices such as hypnosis, mental rehearsal, compassionate self-talk, and solution-focused questioning are not simply positive thinking exercises; they are repeated experiences that help the brain build healthier, more adaptive habits of thought.
How can solution-focused hypnotherapy help?
Solution-focused hypnotherapy (SFH) may help many people dealing with their inner critic by not fighting the inner critic head-on. Rather, it sidesteps it by building up the part of an individual that is confident, calm, and solution-oriented, while using hypnosis to calm the neurological state that the critic needs to thrive.
The inner critic is often presented in therapy as a deep-seated character flaw. SFH takes a different, more functional view:
SFH views the inner critic not as an enemy, but as a part of the brain’s threat-response system (the emotional brain) that has gone into overdrive. Its original, misguided intention is to keep an individual safe from failure, judgment, or risk by criticizing them first.
It’s a habit, not an identity – what that means is that the critical inner dialogue is seen as a well-worn neural pathway – a thinking habit. This is empowering because habits can be changed.
During the talking part of the therapy, the therapist will:
Focus on the future – instead of analysing why an individual has an inner critic or where it came from (which can keep the client stuck in the problem), the focus is on what a client will be doing differently when their inner critic is quieter This shifts attention to the client’s preferred future. The miracle question is a great way of doing this.
Exception finding – this is a standard solution-focused technique to identify when a problem doesn’t occur. Useful questions to ask include: “When does the inner critic not have control? When do you feel slightly more confident or quiet inside?”. This highlights a client’s existing strengths and proves the critic isn’t all-powerful, allowing the client to think more creatively.
Reframe things – rather than a client thinking that they are no good at something, they could say to themselves, “I may not be perfect, but I am trying my best”. Or they could simply say, “I am no good at ten-pin bowling <substitute an appropriate idea here>, YET”. The addition of the word ‘yet’ indicates that change is possible. Almost no-one could ride a bike the first time they tried!
Resource building (strength questions)– because the critic thrives on perceived flaws. SFH systematically builds evidence against it by having the client detail their competencies, past successes (“When have you overcome something difficult?”), and qualities they value in themself. This builds a counter-narrative of evidence.
Scaling – clients can be asked how difficult their inner critic has been. They can then give it a number between 0 and 10. Over time, many clients notice gradual movement in their scaling scores, though progress is rarely perfectly linear.
During the trance part of the therapy session, the therapists will:
Calm the emotional brain – the inner critic is fuelled by the amygdala and the brain’s threat circuitry.
Access and ‘re-wire’ the subconscious – the critical thoughts are often automatic and happen at a subconscious level. The trance state may facilitate increased absorption, reduced critical evaluative filtering, and enhanced receptivity to therapeutic imagery and suggestion.
Install positive cognitions and metaphors – while in a focused, absorbed trance state, the therapist will use positive language, metaphors (such as “turning down the volume” on a radio, or placing the inner critic’s voice “outside in the corridor”), and imagery to reinforce the client’s desired future self, ie where they can feel compassionate, confident, and calm.
Practice mental rehearsal – clients can mentally rehearse future scenarios (eg giving a presentation or having a difficult conversation) in trance, experiencing themself responding with calmness and feeling capable, and not being self-critical.
SFH actively builds an inner coach to replace the inner critic. The client can practice self-encouragement rather than self-punishment. Hypnosis also reduces a client’s general anxiety. This is beneficial because the inner critic is often a symptom of an overactive stress response. Hypnosis makes the critic less loud and persistent.
In addition, SFH improves present-moment awareness. This is beneficial because the inner critic often becomes amplified by rumination about the past and anticipation of future threat. Hypnosis can be said to train the brain to focus on the present moment, which is where calmness and control reside.
The SFH sessions are all built on a client’s existing strengths and their vision for the future. This process inherently gives them back a sense of control over their own mind. They become empowered and feel that they have agency over their life.
What SFH doesn’t do is explore the origins of the inner critic during the client’s childhood. Nor does it spend any time analysing what the inner critic says. And, at no time does the client re-experience any emotional pain from their past.
Other therapy techniques that could be used
There are a number of non-SFH techniques that can be used to help people with an inner critic. One technique is to change the client’s relationship with their inner critic. This can be done in a number of ways:
Naming it – giving the inner critic a name – eg ‘Bob’, ‘the critic’, or ‘the judge – creates a psychological distance between the inner critic and the rest of what a person is thinking.
Mindfulness and observation – the client learns to notice the critical thoughts, but treats them as passing mental events – they can do this by saying to themselves: “I’m having a thought that I’m not good enough”. This pushes the thought away rather than treating it as the absolute truth.
Identifying triggers – a popular CBT technique is to identify situations, stressors, or emotions that tend to activate the inner critic. This simple awareness is the first step to interrupting the usual response pattern.
Therapy can be used to help a client to move from automatically believing what the inner critic is saying to being able to consciously evaluate those thoughts. This can be done in a number of ways, including:
Questioning the evidence – the client might ask: “Is it ‘true’ that I ‘always’ fail?” They can then look for counter examples. A structured approach like using a ‘thought record’ helps clients examine the evidence and the facts that support your inner critic and the evidence and facts that disprove the inner critic.
Identify cognitive distortions – a number of CBT techniques are useful in helping a client to identify cognitive distortions such all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, and overgeneralization.
Developing self-compassion – therapies such as compassion-focused therapy (CFT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) specifically teach clients to respond to their inner critic with kindness and a balanced perspective. Clients learn to speak to themself as they would to a dear friend.
One informal reflective framework sometimes used in coaching/self-help contexts is the THINKS acronym: asking if a thought is True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind, and something a friend would say.
For many people, their inner critic is a symptom of deeper emotional pain. Therapies like psychodynamic therapy, internal family systems (IFS), or schema therapy work to:
Address core wounds – such as shame, feelings of unworthiness, or childhood emotional neglect.
Reparent the inner child – the therapist helps the client by providing the safety, validation, and unconditional positive regard that may have been missing from their early life. This, in turn, gradually quietens their inner critic’s need to fill that role.
Integrate fragmented parts – this can be used by therapists who use parts therapy, such as IFS. In IFS, the critic is seen as a ‘manager’ part trying to protect an ‘exiled’ vulnerable part. Therapy helps these parts communicate and heal, allowing the ‘self’ to lead.
Therapy isn’t just about silencing the critic; it’s about cultivating a compassionate, encouraging, and realistic inner guide. Techniques that can be used include:
Self-validation – a client learns to acknowledge their feelings and efforts without judgment.
Affirmations and new beliefs – developing grounded, positive statements based on the client’s actual values (such as “I am enough as I am”, “It’s OK to make mistakes”, or “My worth is not tied to my productivity”).
Values-based living – this technique is taken from ACT. With this, a client’s focus is shifted from “Am I good enough?” to “What do I care about? What action can I take that aligns with my values?”. This moves the client away from self-evaluation and into meaningful engagement with life.
The therapeutic relationship itself can be a powerful agent of change. For example, the therapist models unconditional positive regard, empathy, and non-judgment. Over time, the client internalizes this accepting voice. In addition, the client experiences that they can be vulnerable and imperfect, and yet they are still accepted by their therapist. This directly challenges their inner critic’s core belief that they need to be perfect to be worthy of connection.
CBT can be very useful for structured thought-challenging techniques. ACT can be a useful way to make space for the inner critic while committing to valued actions. CFT is useful for directly building self-compassion. IFS can be useful for understanding and healing the parts of the client that hold the criticism. Psychodynamic therapy may be particularly useful for some clients. It explores deep-rooted origins in past relationships.
Some things that a potential client can do to help before their initial therapy session include:
Writing down their critical thoughts in a journal. They can then ask themself: “Whose voice is this?” or “What is it trying to protect me from?”.
Practicing self-compassion – Dr Kristin Neff provides a number of self-compassion exercises. A quick Google search will find these.
Talking to the inner critic, thanking it for its (misguided) attempt to help, but firmly telling it they are trying a new approach.
Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) offers one of the most direct approaches to working with the inner critic. Developed by Paul Gilbert, CFT is based on the understanding that many highly self-critical people have underdeveloped self-soothing systems and overactive threat systems.
CFT suggests that the brain operates through three broad emotional regulation systems:
The threat system, which detects danger and produces anxiety, shame, and self-criticism.
The drive system, which motivates achievement and pursuit of goals.
The soothing system, which creates feelings of safety, connection, and contentment.
For people dominated by the inner critic, the threat system is often overactive while the soothing system is underused. Therapy helps strengthen compassionate self-awareness through exercises such as compassionate imagery, soothing rhythm breathing, and developing a compassionate inner voice.
Over time, this allows individuals to respond to mistakes and setbacks with understanding rather than attack, gradually replacing the critic with a more supportive inner guide.
Conclusion
Many people struggle with thoughts that are critical of what they’ve done and what they are planning to do. Solution-focused hypnotherapy can help people in this situation. Techniques from other therapy modalities are meant to be very helpful, but solution-focused hypnotherapists may not feel comfortable (or trained) to explore these.
References:
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Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. London: Routledge.
Gilbert, P. (2009) The Compassionate Mind. London: Constable.
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Hayes, S.C., Strosahl, K.D. and Wilson, K.G. (2016) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. 2nd edn. New York: Guilford Press.
Hurlburt, R.T. and Heavey, C.L. (2006) Exploring Inner Experience: The Descriptive Experience Sampling Method. Amsterdam: John Benjamins.
Mikulincer, M. and Shaver, P.R. (2016) Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. 2nd edn. New York: Guilford Press.
Neff, K.D. (2011) Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. New York: William Morrow.
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